A New Mother’s Commentary
Words / Priscilla Tallman
Photos / Linnea Lenkus / Fine Art Portrait Studios / LinneaLenkus.com

It’s 7:15 P.M. and I have just spent the last hour and a half trying to soothe my six-week old son so that he can go to bed. Really, it’s me who wants to go to bed and therefore he needs to go to bed. So begins the newly implemented nightly ritual that will hopefully send my little boy into dreamland. Unfortunately, what I never accounted for in all my planned parenting (past and present) is that parenting is, in fact, no perfect science and apparently neither is bedtime. And, in my ordered and neat mind I tend to forget that he is only six weeks old. Six weeks…has it really been six weeks?

It’s really a very difficult thing to try and wrap your head around the concept of being a parent until you are one. I’ve always had so many ideals and expectations about the kind of parent I would be. My only frames of reference were friends, sisters and (gasp!) celebrities. I couldn’t resist! Gwen Stefani and Katie Holmes looked so natural as mothers and they also looked amazing in Armani and Galliano. I’m lucky to get a shower and my confidence as a mom comes from a glass of wine at the end of the
night. Plus, Kingston and Suri never seemed to cry or spit up and it looked like both Mommy and baby were well rested, well fed and well traveled. I’ve managed to make it to Target and back, but no overseas trips are planned as of yet.

But my ideals and expectations (let’s face it, they were fantasies) were quickly shattered the moment the most beautiful boy entered my life and turned my heart inside out.

Becoming My Self

For the bulk of my late twenties and early thirties, I fought really hard to release my parents from the responsibility of my shortcomings and my personality quirks and to take ownership of them (good and bad). Two years later and a couple thousand dollars spent in therapy revealed that in spite of my most heroic

attempts, my parents were going to be a part of my life and part of who I am regardless of the number of tearful sessions I endured with my therapist, a dingy sofa, some really ugly wall art and a box of scratchy tissues. I guess it’s kind of like one big emotional circle; I ended up right back where I started but this time a bit
more insightful and a lot more resourceful.

I would soon find out that becoming a parent offers a peek into the lives of my own parents and an opportunity to see myself in the third person for the first time. Something I was not prepared for.

The Rainbow Connection

Months before I gave birth, I created a playlist that I planned to use in the delivery room (there I go planning again). I loaded it full of soothing melodies that calmed me every time I played it pre-partum. Ben Harper, Jack Johnson, Nora Jones and Sarah
McLaughlin. They all seemed to beckon me to a place of peace, a place of freedom. They helped me pass the time as days crawled and I waddled about in anxious anticipation of my firstborn. The first song of my playlist, “The Rainbow Connection,”
represented hope, possibility and sweet, gentle moments I would have with my baby boy. Phil Collins’ “You’ll be in My Heart” reminded me how this moment and this journey will always be a part of who I am and who I’ll become.

But as with most situations in life, things didn’t turn out as planned. During the course of my delivery, my iPod went into shuffle mode and instead of my baby boy entering the world to one of my pre-picked songs; he made his entrance to Aerosmith’s
“Crazy.” I guess it was a sign of things to come. Over the past six weeks, I’ve sort of come to know that my personal “rainbow connection” is just trying to survive the “crazy” right now and to let go a bit of my control or more accurately the
idea that I actually have control. To surrender.

Surrender to the Pose

As wound up as I can be at times, yoga has become an important part of creating a balance in my life. During my pregnancy, I took several months of prenatal yoga. Loved it. Aside from learning stretches designed especially for pregnant
women, our instructor taught us lessons in life. One particular lesson was surrendering to the pose. “Surrendering to the pose” meant that instead of trying to get a deeper stretch or trying to hold a pose longer, you had to actually release yourself from that very pose. To stop trying so hard. Surrender has always
been in utter opposition to my character. Years of playing sports taught me only to push harder, to never give up or never give in. To surrender would mean to fail or to give up…or would it?

When you surrender, the pose actually begins to work with you, not against you. So it is with my new role as a mother. The more I surrender to motherhood instead of trying to resist it, the more gratifying and rewarding it becomes; and I have
the chance to become a better person and mother for it.

I said I didn’t want to lose myself, but I find that I have done just that. I have, in fact, lost myself to someone more capable, more resourceful, more humble, more willing to push beyond the threshold of sanity that I thought I could never live through. I find a woman who is more willing to ask for and accept help, more likely to cry for no reason; a woman who tries to get through three-hour blocks at a time instead of worrying about next week or next year. A woman who hopes to get a shower, brush her teeth before noon and eat something with more nutritional value than a slice of pizza and a handful of chocolate chip cookies. I find a woman who has surrendered to the pose and is working on getting a deeper stretch.

Final Thoughts

My son finally went to sleep, not in his crib where all the books say he should, but on
my chest. And although it may cause sleeping problems at six months, eight months, two years…I guess it doesn’t really matter right now, tonight. I guess in the grand scheme of things,“the big picture of life,” spending sleepless nights while my son snoozes peacefully in his mommy’s arms is better than not spending them with him at all.

Photography / Christopher Kilkus / The Rex Agency / kilkus.com
Hair & Makeup / Jeannie Jeffries / Couture Beauty Artist /
MAC Pro / TeamCoutureBeauty.com
Assistant Hair & Makeup / Star Whitaker /
Couture Beauty Artist / TeamCoutureBeauty.com
Models /Taylor Cole (Brunette) Jana (Blonde)

Photography / Alison Bernier / alisonbernier.com
Hair & Make-up / Jeannie Jeffries / Couture Beauty Artist / TeamCoutureBeauty.com
Asst Hair & Make-up / Nora Frisile / Couture Beauty Artist / TeamCoutureBeauty.com
Stylist / Nichole Carroll / Tylerroseswimwear.com
Models / Cierra “Cici” Sorenson / Zoe Ziebarth

damselmag.com/fashion/bathing-beauty

Photography / Daeja Fallas / daejafallas.com
Stylist / Hugette Montesinos
Make up / Jessica Hoffman
Model / Michelle Vawer / Jet Set Models
Photo assistant / Justin Fernandez

The song “Boston” has been hard to escape over the past two years what with its melodic piano lines, romantic video (remember the pianos scattered along the shoreline withwaves lapping up on them?), and let’s not forget the enchanting vocals of frontman Dan Layus. Everything we fell in love with in that one song is now coming back tenfold…the number of tracks onAugustana’s latest album, Can’t Love, Can’t Hurt.

I fell in love with the albumat first spin. Every song is so powerful you can almost feel the passion behind the lyrics. It’s the Augustana that “Boston” was striving to be. It’s the album that Dan needs because he has now entered a whole new ball park, not \as musician, songwriter or even singer…somethingmuchmore personal is riding on Can’t Love, Can’t Hurt.

Fatherhood
“Havingmy daughter saved this band. I know thatmay sound really selfish, but it put those years of messing around to the side and made Augustana, me, get serious,” Dan says. “I have to treat this as a job, just the same as if I was going down to the docks everymorning. It’s just as cutthroat, and there is always someone
out there looking to take your spot.”

Little Elloise Layus, now just a year and half has opened her father’s eyes to a whole new set of priorities. When he is on the computer Elloise is right there asking to sit on his lap and put the headphones on. She has also begun testing hermusical talentwith the harmonica. The only hard part of the deal is when Dan finds himself far from home. “Being on tour is hard because I feel like I miss amillion things when I amaway for just a week. But, I also remind myself that I probably spendmore timewithmy child than people who work the 9-5.”

His adoration of and dedication to Elloise and wife Nina shine through in the new record even thoughDan tried to keep each of the songs and lyrics vague. “Boston was so specific and definite; I wanted the new record to be a snapshot of things everyone can relate to. I tried to leave the board open for different interpretations.” And to some extent, vagueness he did achieve. I thought of my own certain someone in Track 9, “Rest, Shame, Love” (probably not a good thing that I thought of himto the lyrics “It’s the wrong dream with the wrong man”), and Track 4, “Twenty Years,” I found myself asking the ever-philosophical question: what do I want out of life? But while the songs did let me think of my own life and circumstances, there is no denying that Dan laced every track with his own, very personal theme.

Love
“I have come to realize that there is not much I can really do on my own now that I have experienced unconditional love,” Dan says. “They complete me.” (Dan laughs and adds, “Not to rip off Jerry Maguire.”). Can’t Love, Can’t Hurt is an eloquent and poignant record of a love that we all hope to one day relate to. And as for the proud pop now? “This is a very fortunate place to be. I am able to support my family by doing something that I love to do. But I also now know that if I didn’t have music I would still be happy because
of the people in my life.” “I am the luckiest bastard in the world.” Can’t Love, Can’t Hurt is available now.

“I have come to realize that there is not much I can really do on own.”

No more sneakers…what is your favorite thing to capture now?
Well for my drawings I get all my source material from fashion magazines. I also really like to make tedious and repetitive patterns. I guess I am just inspired by weird stuff, like there is this house on my street where the bricks are arranged into an argyle pattern, I really like that.

Do you prefer towork in silence orwith some tunes in the background?
Music is a must. I like to listen to a lot of everything, but some 90’s hip-hop getsme going pretty good, like some old Mobb Deep or Wu-Tang. There is something about how rappers exude this confidence amid the struggles of life that gets me hyped up.

Who are your favorite artists?
DavidHockney,Alex Katz, and The Leipzig painters are all fresh

Costa Mesa clap your hands and welcome TEK Salon-Spa, the newest spot on Seventeenth Street that has figured out how to converge pampering with today’s technologies -making it the #1 salon/spa in Southern California.

“We’re thinking of it all,” Jule Gainey, co-founder of TEK, says of the salon’s cutting edge capabilities, “There are over twomiles of wire running within these walls.” TEK is one of the few full service spas in the area, with the highest quality of innovative treatments that are customized to fit everyone’s personal needs. Offering manicures/pedicures, brow shaping, and makeup on top of their hair services makes TEK a truly modern salon of convenience and luxury.

“A truly modern salon of convenience and luxury.”

The salon’s minimalist style offers a clean yet comfortable and tranquil environment, while the perksmake every client feel like a queen for a day. You can order a drink while sitting at the Signature Processing section, or get aHydra-Facial in a state-of-theart soundproof spa room(Pro Bar), and even request to have your car detailed while you are enjoying the first class R&R.

“It won’t be just another errand for TEK clients. I want people to walk out saying ‘Wow, that was easy, that was amazing,” Jule said. And, Jule is awomanwho understands and appreciates some good treatment…that is how TEK was given life in the first place. Jule, an Orange County local, has been going to Stephanie Sisco (also an OC local) for facials every two weeks for the past seven years.

“One day we just got to talking about opening a salon that caters to the modern world,” Jule remembers, and Stephanie (now cofounder of TEK) wasmore than open to the idea, “Having a salon has been a dreamofmine for as long as I can remember and being in this industry formany years I know what needs to change.We want to offer a cutting edge and convenient experience to our clients that fits in with the tech-savvy lifestyle.”

And they have succeeded. TEK has hours that work with anyone’s schedule (9AM-4PM Sunday-Monday, 9AM- 9PM Tuesday- Friday, 9AM-5PM Saturday), and they made sure to create an atmosphere that would be comfortable for their female and male clients alike. TEK will also host fun events throughout the
week like Wine-Tasting Wednesdays and Monday Night Football (on huge Plasmas of course!). Yes, Stepahnie Sisco and Jule Gainey have alas created a salon that not only fits the lifestyle of today…TEK gives us a taste of the future.

230 E. 17th Street, Suite 120
Costa Mesa, CA 92627 [map]
949/515-TEK1 (8351)
www.teksalons.com